To share, using your voice, what you’re working on, where you’re stuck and how you could use some support.
To unpack what it’s like to be you right now, what you’re excited about and what feels hard.
Anyone who’s ever had a coach, therapist or curious loved one knows this.
Saying things out loud can help us connect dots, solve problems and cultivate empathy with others.
It’s why we say things like “Thanks for letting me get that off my chest” or “I feel better having said that out loud”.
The catch is it requires someone who’s generous enough to hold space for us.
The opportunity then, is to be that person for someone. To checkin with others for no reason other than to give them the gift to share what’s on their mind.
It’s quite possible we are (read: I am) striving for the sake of striving.
Maybe it’s increasing revenue, finding a better job, gaining another client, getting more listeners/readers/followers or listing more examples of things we strive for.
While this can be an effective strategy to grow and develop we also risk getting stuck on the metaphorical treadmill with the setting set to 16, sweat pouring down our face and legs pumping faster than we thought possible in order to stay upright and avoid being the next viral face plant video.
Knowing that it’s worth pausing to consider: What does enough look like?
PS. I recently had a wide-ranging conversation with Craig Harper on The You Project related to this and other topics including coaching, leadership and making change.
If so, it’s worth noting these are merely ways of passively sharing information.
Passively sharing information can easily be done in an email, Slack message, voice recording or video. In fact, that’s precisely what these mediums are for.
Meetings, on the other hand, can be reserved for active participation and connection.
That is to say:
What if we did away with the slide decks and reserved meetings for human connection?
For checking in and asking: what’s it like to be you right now?
For real-time brainstorming and collaboration?
Might we start to enjoy connecting with our peers, rather than loathing another one-way business update?
I’d talk all the time, distract the other kids and lose focus.
Enter Mrs Metcalfe.
One day after class she pulled me aside and excitedly explained:
“Pete, I’ve got a surprise for you tomorrow. It’s a brand new, bright blue table that is magic!”
Seeing my mouth slightly agape, thinking “did she say MAGIC?!”, she continued:
“It’s magic because it stops anyone who sits on it from talking too much, being distracted and losing focus. Just like that!”
Sensing my excitement, she went in for the close:
“Now, I want you to be the first person to sit on it. For the entire week, this magic blue table is all yours. The trick is, you mustn’t tell anyone about its magic powers. Are you in?”
You better believe I was in. I mean, it was a fricking magic table and I had been hand picked and trusted with its secret powers.
So there I sat for an entire week in absolute silence.
I got all my work done, didn’t distract anyone and was more engaged in class than I’d ever been before.
At the end of the week, I received this certificate:
23 years on, I see many lessons in this story.
Perhaps the most important is that in order create change, we must tell stories that spark curiosity and enrolment.
Mrs Metcalfe didn’t tell me I was a bad kid, kick me out of the classroom or lose her temper.
She didn’t give me a list of pro’s and con’s regarding my behaviour, call my mum and or even state exactly what I needed to do better.
Instead, she:
Created a story that I was curious about. A story about magic, tables and secrets.
Enrolled me in the story by empowering me to decide if I was in.
Ask questions. Hold space. Ask questions. Hold space.
The best way to understand what it might be like to walk in someone else’s shoes is to approach them with curiosity and actively listen to their responses.
