It’s easy to yell, scream and curse the pressure this puts on your world class food prep game. 

Or you might consider it a great opportunity to use the stovetop.

Or the BBQ.

Or the microwave.

Or the slow cooker.

Or go out for dinner with a friend.

Or get takeaway. 

The point being, there are always options and there are always opportunities. We merely need to choose to look for them.

So when your metaphorical oven explodes this week (which, at some point, it will), consider: how might I look for the opportunity?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some sweet potato to steam.

A stop sign is a red octagon; a universally recognised pattern. One worth keeping. A pattern that makes a lot of sense and would cause chaos if changed.

Complaining about Monday, on the other hand, is a pattern worth interrupting. It’s a default response that doesn’t serve us or those around us.

These unhelpful patterns exist everywhere, and when we step back and look at them, they rarely make sense. 

Take my recent experience at Town Hall. 

I was required to visit their office and renew a permit. 

The receptionist processed my payment, printed off the permit and, without a second thought, reached for an envelope, placed the permit inside and said “you should receive it in 5 business days”. 

He posted the permit to me while I was standing right in front of him.

Now THAT is a pattern worth interrupting.

It takes some audacity to step up and say “what if we tried this instead?”

It takes someone willing to create tension and discomfort.

And it’s worth it.

Because interrupting a pattern requires you, and others, to go from unconscious to conscious. From asleep to awake. And once you see these patterns, you can’t un-see them. 

With this in mind, it’s worth doing an audit:

What patterns do you have that are serving you?

What patterns do you have that might be worth interrupting?

And yes, the permit arrived after 5 painstakingly long days.

How we frame things goes a long way to determining how we navigate and feel about them.

I recently wrote about An alternative to “hustle and grind” and A replacement for the word “but”.

Here are nine others to noodle on:

1. Instead of pitching at clients, what if we sought to understand them?
2. Instead of dealing with a customer, what if we generously serve them?
3. Instead of winning a client, what if we agreed to collaborate? 
4. Instead of do you need help?, what about how can I support?
5. Instead of obstacles, what about opportunities? 
6. Instead of no because, what about can if?
7. Instead of crushing fears, what if we danced with them? 
8. Instead of boundaries, what about assets?
9. Instead of suffering imposter syndrome, what if we experienced it?

Turns out there’s an easy way to spark joy in your life that doesn’t involve tidying up your tupperware, decluttering your silverware and sorting through your underwear, Marie Kondo style.

Instead, go through your phone’s photo album and calendar from the last 6 months.

Make a note of everything that put a smile on your face and brought you joy.

Commit to doing more of these things in the next two weeks.

Go.

Is that no-one prepares you for them. 

Take me, for example (I should know, I’m 6″7). Back pain, shin splints and sore hips were all part of the deal.

I didn’t have experience being tall. There was no qualification and no-one gave me permission.

Instead, I was told to just embrace it. That it’s a good thing. That people would KILL to be tall. I was forced to adapt. 

And so, I did (sort of… I mean, let’s be real, I’m still pretty uncoordinated).

And what I realise now, is that this lesson was profoundly wise. 

That the same is true of creative work.

Only, instead of back pain we experience imposter syndrome.

Instead of shin splints, we experience doubt and insecurity.

And instead of sore hips, we experience fear of other peoples opinions.

The opportunity then is to recognise these as growing pains, realise they’re necessary and consider: how might we adapt?

How about generously serve and delight?

No-one wants to be hustled.

No-one wants to be ground (with the exception of coffee beans). 

Everyone can benefit from being generously served and delighted.

Consider the software company Slack. 

One of the fastest growing Software as a Service (SaaS) startups in history.

They were founded just 6 years ago and have 10 million daily active users.

10 million people using their software every. single. day. 

That’s a lot of emojis.

Now you’d be forgiven for thinking Slack is popular and, while in some circles you’d be right, if we look a little wider a different story emerges.

Consider now that there are more than 4 billion humans using the internet.

That means Slack’s customers make up 0.0025% of those using the internet.

Put another way: In any given day 99.9975% of people on the internet don’t use one of the most successful software companies of all time. 

Now comes the uncomfortable part.

Consider your product or service.

Chances are, you’re not Slack, nor will you ever be.

#sorrynotsorry

So, why the constant focus on more customers? More orders? More auditions? More interviews? More likes? More clicks? More downloads?

It’s tempting to think that’s productive and yet you don’t need to be popular and you’re wasting your time trying.

An alternative is to consider:

Who do I seek to serve? 

What if it could only be 10 people (or companies), who would they be?

How might I delight those 10?

Stories create context.

Context enables change. 

Facts, figures, features and benefits might be impressive (to you) but they almost certainly don’t create change (in us).

Real, human stories on the other hand, are what change is built upon.

And if you’re worried you don’t have a story to tell, I defer to my good friend Jen Waldman, who asserts “every single thing we do has storytelling value”.  

What stories might you tell?

It’s fickle and can’t be relied on. 

Better to have a process for your work instead. 

One that you can rely on and refine, especially when things get hard. 

Consider:

The train driver. She doesn’t sit around scrolling Instagram waiting for an inspirational quote/video to pop up to start her journey, she hops in the cabin and follows the process.

The Broadway star. She doesn’t sit backstage twiddling her thumbs lamenting a lack of inspiration, she trusts she’s put in the work, steps on stage and follows her process. 

The surgeon. She doesn’t stand in the operating theatre hoping to feel inspired before starting, she grabs the scalpel and gets to work. 

Inspiration is a nice to have. It’s the unexpected tail-wind that can provide a boost to propel you forward.

Processes are a must have. They get you through a head-wind and allow you to consistently create change. 

What do your processes look like?

Try “and”.

Instead of:

“This is a great idea but…”

How about:

“This is a great idea and…”

The former feels dismissive and judgemental. It whiffs of “I know best”.

The latter feels encouraging and productive. It smells of “Another idea to consider is”.

It’s nuanced but and important.

We don’t need your “but’s”.

We could use your “and’s”.

There are a handful of rules that make or break improv comedy:

• Always make your partner look good by agreeing with what they say
• Continually build the story by replying “yes and…”
• Make assertions and statements
• Recognise there are no mistakes, only opportunities

Turns out these are actually great rules for the way we approach our work.

Consider what it would look like if, every day, we:

• Sought to make our clients, colleagues and bosses look good
• Changed our default response from “no, because…” to  “yes, and…”
• Boldly asserted our own ideas and contributions
• Weren’t afraid of making mistakes

Consider also that improv only works when partners actively listen, which is yet another useful skill in our everyday.

You know the one I’m talking about.

Is it a fear that it’ll be permanent?

That you’ll be stuck with that decision for the next week, month, year or 20 years?

That you won’t be able to change your mind?

Turns out you can change your mind. If you missed it, here’s your permission slip.

Knowing this, maybe it’s worth reframing the decision as a one month experiment, instead? An opportunity to try it out for a short period of time, then reassess.

(Unless it’s a decision between a green apple and a green apple. In that case, calmly put both down and reach for a red one instead.)

They trust you to determine what success looks like

Keen to nail a front flip? Awesome.

Fancy mastering a double backflip triple twist? Knock yourself out.

Want to master a belly flop? I mean ouch, but go for it.

A great leader understands diversity is a strength and mishaps are inevitable. They set the vision (or start with why as Simon Sinek would say) and then ask “what does success look like to you within this vision?”.

 

They provide quality feedback and support

Ever landed awkwardly on a trampoline and bounced off in a strange direction? Yeah, me too. That’s feedback.

Once you’ve defined success, a great leader will provide timely, relevant and thought-provoking feedback in order to help you get there.

 

They hold space

95% of what you do on a trampoline is in the air, away from the comfort of solid ground.

A great leader is the same.

They create and hold space for you to experiment, learn, grow and stretch. They deliberately create generous tension.

They don’t micromanage and they don’t create bottlenecks.

 

They act as a springboard

This is essentially the main purpose of a trampoline.

And likewise, a great leader amplifies your ideas, boosts energy and provides a springboard into infinite possibilities.

 

They’re consistent

Trampolines don’t move, they’re right there to catch you whenever you need.

A great leader is the same. They always have your back.

 

They encourage doing the hard part first

The hardest part of trampolining is climbing atop and being willing to take the first few bounces.

Great leaders encourage their people to do the hard part first.

 

They create more leaders

At this point the metaphor is starting to feel like a stretch, alas I will say that trampolines have a shelf life.

Great leaders, too, know that it’s their responsibility to create more great leaders to move the vision forward. They attempt to make themselves redundant (which often makes them even more valuable).

 

They disseminate culture, not information

There is no information manual that teaches someone how to use a trampoline.

A great leader knows that skills can be learned and information can be sourced but that culture is created.

They acknowledge their role is to create and disseminate culture, not information.

The core would be universal.

A fear that stops us from speaking up in a meeting, shipping that new project or sitting down to have a difficult conversation.

A fear that sits at the root of imposter syndrome, social anxiety and public speaking.

A fear that explains why we don’t ask for help.

That if you peeled back all of these juicy layers you’d be left with the same, universal core fear:

The fear of other people’s opinions.

It makes sense given we’re hard-wired for connection and belonging.

Knowing this, what if we encouraged more conversations around fears?

What if we attempted to normalise the core, rather than hide it beneath the endless layers of an eye-watering onion?

And if you’re wondering “why the onion metaphor?” blame Shrek.

PS. My friend Jen Waldman and I once recorded a podcast episode on fear onions… It never made it off the cutting room floor but plenty of other episodes have. You can check them out over here.

“But I’m not qualified…”

Turns out that’s exactly why you should try it.

Your fresh perspective, unique worldview and inherent superpower might be exactly what is required to create meaningful change.

The only way to know is to raise your hand.

Chances are if you wait till you’re qualified, or worse, till you have permission you’ll be waiting a long time.

Elon Musk didn’t wait till he was qualified to make rockets just as much as a baby doesn’t wait till she’s qualified to start walking.

You can’t possibly be qualified to try something you’ve never done before.

Try stuff, build things, make assertions, ask questions and seek generous feedback.

That’s how we progress, not by sitting around waiting till someone deems us ready, like some kind of Pokemon.

(And no, you don’t need to know much about the movies).

1. We’re all weird mutants on some level

So let’s stop pretending we’re not.

Whether you’re scared of phone calls (guilty), have webbed feet or are obsessed with putting everything on a to-do list, you’re definitely weird (and so is the ability to turn blue).

2. We all have superpowers

Sure, you might not be able to produce razor-sharp blades from your knuckles like Wolverine, but you definitely have a superpower. Maybe it’s your sense of humour, ability to listen or craft at thinking creatively.

Best figure out what it is so you can use it for good. For help, see here.

3. We’re all driven by fear, doubt and insecurity

Each member of the X-Men is fundamentally flawed and crippled by moments of fear, doubt and insecurity.

They struggle to feel like they belong (they’re mutants, after all), wish they could change parts of themselves (both physically and emotionally) and are constantly wrestling with imposter syndrome…

Sound familiar?

4. Empathy is the ultimate superpower

Ultimately, it’s the ability of the X-Men to understand each other that brings them so close together.

They’re able to ‘see’ one another and understand what it might be like to walk in another’s shoes in a way most teams chose not to. Superpowers, fears, doubts and all.

5. We can create spaces where all of this is acknowledged and celebrated 

Bringing this all together, it’s worth considering:

What if we created more places like the X-Mansion, where all we had to do was show up as ourselves, superpowers, flaws and all? Where there was no need to posture or pretend like we’re perfect?

What if we treated each day as an opportunity to learn something?

What if we were constantly supported by a team of like-minded humans (mutants), who were curious and empathetic? Who sought to understand what it might be like to walk in our shoes so that they can best leverage our unique strengths to solve problems?

“I could never…” isn’t exactly accurate, but we hear people start sentences like this all the time.  

A more accurate statement is: “I choose not to…”

Because everything is a choice, whether we realise it or not.

And yes, ignoring this realisation is also a choice.

Silence.

Whether it’s a client, guest, a friend or a coworker, no-one likes to be interrupted.

As for anyone unconvinced, here’s what it looks like when this rule is forgotten (props if you can make it past halfway).

You have it.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that changing our minds is a sign of weakness or surrender. We spend time, energy and resources on justifying why we’re right, telling others why they’re wrong and continuing to do things the same way we always have.

In fact the opposite is true. Changing your mind is a sign of strength.

To raise your hand based on new information and say “I see things differently now, the best way for us to move forward is to try this instead.” That takes guts and a willingness to lead people towards something bigger than your own ego or opinion.

The life of a changemaker is littered with opportunities to test assumptions and change our mind. The question worth asking in these moments (which I’ve written about before) is: 

Do I want to be right, or do I want to make change?

Some days we feel:

• Inspired
• Creative
• Motivated
• Excited
• Joyful
• Rambunctious
• Proud (mainly because we used the word rambunctious)
• Hilarious
• Fired up
• Healthy
• Strong
• Bold

Other days we feel

• Flat
• Stuck
• Annoyed
• Antsy
• Weak
• Doubtful
• Melancholy
• Anxious
• Angry
• Helpless
• Blue
• Poorly

Neither list is right. Neither list is wrong. Both lists are universally part of the human experience.

The always inspiring TK Coleman once pointed out “You don’t have to feel good all the time.”

Worth keeping in mind for those of us who are our own biggest critic. Perhaps today is not the day to change the world but a day to catch up on sleep.

Worth keeping in mind for those of us quick to judge others behaviour. Perhaps today is a day when they too are feeling some version of the second list.